KAT-TUN: The Musical
This is just like a chicken pox; it’s started small, but it’s contagious, spreading like a damn virus into my happy rainbow cupcake nerdy world. That virus name…is Kame. Since I watch that THNK dorama, I become quite a fan of Kame’s acting, and I also come to a realization that Kame is like a two sides of a coin. We’ve seen him on one side as an actor, which I have to say very good indeed (in Gokusen 2, Nobuta wo Produce, Tatta Hitotsu no Koi, and currently watching Tokyo Bandwagon). So, how about the musical side of our pride and joy J-actor? Are you ready? ARE YOU??? *award show narrator voice* Please welcome, KAZUUYAAAA KAME-KAME-HAAA!!! Oops, sorry.. I mean, KAMENASHIIIIIIII!!!! Woohooo!!! *clapping hands enthusiastically* This time comes with bonus three members and two exes, total six children of the corny who called themselves KAT-TUN!!! Dun! Dun! Dun! Hahahahaha… *crazy laugh*. So, I’m quite curious with KAT-TUN music career, because their only music video I ever watch was them singing “what’s going on” while swaggy dancing in the virtual elevator–I don’t remember it clearly, since it was 8 years ago–and they’re still together as six (before Jinnie rubbing his lamp and saving his ass from this gaydar androgynous chaos, lol). So after Genie Jin Jin gone, who’s gonna take the unofficial leader throne and be the popularity scape goat? Thank goodness we still have the ultimate gheyboy maknae Kamenashi!!! Well, he isn’t being the first capital letter of the group name for nothing yo! So, for the sake of Hiroto, I’m watching their PVs, not all, since I’m not a hyphen or a maniac. And I must say that I really really love….to mock them. Lol. Since turns out they already have a bunch of albums, singles, PVs and stuffs, I only watch the PVs based on what songs I think catchy, and now I’m gonna give my thought about each and every cheesy PV that I already watched. So, wanna join me into the Johnny’s fabricated idol-Land? Come, my child, come…*evil laugh*
01. 僕らの街で (Bokura no Machi de) (2006)
Overall: This is the PV of THNK soundtrack, and I must say that everyone look so damn normal here, and I think this is KAT-TUN in their Kis-My-Ft2 era, a.k.a Kame and the 4 members on the back. But it’s okay, even though without Jinnie by his side—for Jin is taking sabbatical to Hooray America!! *Fez’s voice*–Kame is equal three members of Kisumai, becos he can act like Tamamori; sing like Fujigaya; and pint-sized like Kitayama. Lol for Kame and his triple threat. Okay, okay, back to the PV, the PV is only about the KAT-TUN boys acting cool wandering around Yokohama in slo-mo. And Kame is literally singing the verses and the bridge, well, practically everything. Sometimes I wonder what the other members think, cos you clearly can see Ueda, as if “the hell I woke up early morning, I only sing back-up, dude” kinda face. But, it’s really REALLY the most ordinary KAT-TUN PV by far. And dang, this PV makes me want to watch THNK all over again.
Member’s appearance: Normal looks, nothing wrong or over the top. Notes for Taguchi: please lose your mullet; you look scraggly.
02. One Drop (2009)
Overall: One Drop is one of the oldest KAT-TUN PV that I bear to watch, (aside from Bokura no Machi de, for it’s a soundtrack of THNK) and it’s only because I quite like the song, even though the intro/opening is more like an engrish vocabulary teaching session:
Kame: “ and…*smirking…Bai-bai.”
Me: What the…??!!
No, seriously, WTF?? “Love, dreamin’, eternity, hope and… Bye-bye”?? omjayjay, I dunno what to react, maybe they try to be sexy with lowering down their voices and saying random English vocabulary that comes to mind. Lol. and wtf with the “bye-bye”? its so..absurd. Well at least it’s better than “Love, dreamin’, eternity, hope and… *smirking*…sissy-pants”. LMAO *laughing at my own joke*. So, the members being shot walking down the stairs with “I’m so hot every chick is gonna melt” vibe, and there’s also a shot of each member sitting inside a lavish car (mostly Akame). And as if sitting inside the car wasn’t enough “we rented these hummer limousines with money$$$, we can‘t make it go to waste!!!” said the fricken production team. And so the KAT-TUN boys dance around the cars, woooow, so hot??? Not. And as if dancing around the cars not enough, “let’s take the car on a date!!” they said, so there’s another scene of the members with the car near the yacht, near the field, etc. Man, this PV is almost like an automotive showroom commercial. Lol. I bet the concept of this PV is to show how hot n cool KAT-TUN is, but the execution was just so meh. Then there’s also a scene where Koki is holding a bunch of crystal rock, and he wrap the rocks inside his hands with! Agony! Till! He’s! Bleeding! Oh noeees! Except the blood is soooo fake, it looks like a grape juice, lololol. Seriously, production team, you can afford to rent all the hummers and limos, and yet you can’t afford to buy a bottle of fake blood? Or maybe they really can’t…hah! And the dance, omjayjay, the dance; if KAT-TUN can have one thing that’s totally stood out, it’s their lack of synchronization. And the moves look…spineless and so rubber jelly, you can’t clearly distinguish what moves they’re doing cos it’s all so messy and all over the place. Not to mention Jin looks like he doesn’t wanna be there. I bet he wears this behind his faux mink fur coat:Ahahahhahahahah. This group is awesomy train wreck. Gotta mock to love them, and gotta love to mock them.
Member’s appearance: I have to admit that all the members look good here, no garbage style in sight. All looks fine with black ensemble. Well, you can never go wrong with black wardrobe.
03. The D-Motion (2010)
Overall: Despite the overload of the fricken auto-tuned voices, this song is so damn catchy, and I’m really glad that I found out that it has the PV. But the PV is just so….hmmm. Okay, first thing first, the concept is like clubbing, except they’re clubbing with… themselves, lol. So basically they’re dancing around in flickering light clubbing room-esque and swaggy walking in an empty hall.
And Genie Jinjin try hard to act bad boy by…smoking, yeah!! Cos it’s the only bad boy image that’s allowed by Johnny! And maybe because of that, Johnny said “no,no,no, no real clubbing for you-tachi, Jinnie already used the bad boy quota for the PV by smoking, so we’re just clubbing on the set.” No wonder all the members hate Jin, ahahahahahha…
and one thing that’s quite WTF, what do you think “D” in the D-Motion stands for? Doofus? Dingbat? (lol) Dance? No, my nuggets, it’ll be too good if D=Dance, cos the answer is DECO!!! Bwahahahahaha!!! What the hell… “D.E.C.O do the Deco Motion..” omaigawwt, what in the world is deco motion???!!! When I hear the word “deco”, first things comes to my mind is all the pink cutie pearly sanrio characters and colorful ribbons. So, maybe deco motion means you swaggy dancing while peeling kawaii hello kitty stickers. Omgggggg, let’s do the d-motion, girls!
Member’s appearance: Omggg, words can’t describe how trash-can assembled they look. Like, seriously: crazy bleached hair, victorian style coat, sparkly shirt..geez…no wonder it was being shot in low light. And no wonder either that they’re clubbing by themselves, cos come to think of it, who wants to club with a bunch of Harajuku-fashion-victims anyway?! Lol.
Performance wise: When it comes to Deco motion, Japan audiences are not enough. So it’s time to take the Deco-deco internationally to KOREA!!! The country of metrosexual celebrities!! And KAT-TUN homies complete themselves with the HFV (Harajuku Fashion Victim) costumes and auto-tuned bonanza! And when the real appearance of the costumes are shown under full megawatt bright lights…wow, just wow, especially to Kame and Nakamaru. Plus, they’re all so hot, literally, and layer-full, they’re sweating in just a minute span. Well, turns out what I thought is right, it’s better to keep that costume in Japan, under the dimmed-darker-lights.
PS: I need to give my thumbs for KAT-TUN high self-esteem, because even though they come to Korea unprepared (with their gibberish stutter Korean language), they still can maintain their swaginess up high, especially when they’re arriving at the airport and they all wearing suits and doing a pose for a nano seconds with “yeah! We’re hot like The Beatles!” kind of confidence. Lol. Oh dear…salute! Saluuuteee! *clapping hands*
04. Going! (2010)
Overall: So, after Papa Jin left the group, what will the 5 members do? Of course they keep GOING! Literally, for they continue as five cheeky androgynous boys, and connotatively, as they sing a song titled “Going!” Okay, how do I start…so, in the opening they were displayed on the round conveyor belt and suddenly there’s another brainwash session by Koki the boy followed by the supporter posse (the rest 4 members):
Koki: Goin’! (posse: Yeah!) Koki: Just Goin’! (posse: Yeah!) Koki: Right Now we’re Goin’!
At first, I was like, “going where, Koki? To the supermarket? Or to the lion cage? Or maybe to your house for booze party? Where, Koki? Where???” Luckily, Kame answers my question in his auto-tuned voice: “Everybody goin’ for dreeeeeaaaaaaaaaam!!”
Hmmm…Oooookaaay. Seriously, for me, this is the most ham-handed motivational song that KAT-TUN ever sang. Not to mention the auto-tuned hullabaloo; if the D-motion auto-tunes fit nicely, this song just going! messy. Now for the PV, despite an okay choreography, there are multiple power ranger-henshin-like poses over and over again to show how solid they are.
There’s another scenes where KAT-TUN boys are mooning over their sporty dreams: Kame-baseball, Nakamaru-soccer, Ueda-boxing (omg, seriously?!), Taguchi-skateboard. While Koki…*me calling by poking shoulder* hmmm…ano, Koki-san, sitting on a couch while eating popcorn is not a dream, it’s a damn lazy!!!! Gosh, Koki is so simple, as his dream is being a couch potato. Lol.Member’s appearance: Everyone is going..in white ensemble, except Nakamaru’s tie-dye pants that makes him look like he just fall into the gutter. And gosh, Ueda…that butterfly on your neck…and you say you want to be a boxer? Jiminy cricket..*face-palming*Performance wise: So summer-esque and basically they’re just dancing and body-waving while auto-tuned lip-synch-ing. But oh dear, they never forget to bring the damn wind for extra ‘breezy’ look. And I feel like I want to peel that lil butterfly from Ueda’s face. Oh, and lol at Taguchi “groovy vibe” lines as he sings it with ultra-bubbly expression. Hahahaha.. Overall it’s a so-so performance, but I must say that the closing move is my favorite; they’re like “Boom! Boom! Boom! Pow! Pow! Pow!!” ahahahaha…it’s hard to describe.
05. Ultimate Wheels (2011)
Overall: This PV is simply…wrong on so many levels. First thing first, I actually like the song, it’s one of my faves of KAT-TUN, but the PV execution is a cheese-head. So at the opening, the boys are dancing and waving with their shadow a.k.a shadow dancing; pretty artistic. But then, the shadows turn into a moving evil inky-doodle!!!
OooohhhHHH! Scaredy!!! Not. And then they’re dancing and dancing and dancing, and they got swallowed by the evil doodle!!! Oh noes!!! But it doesn’t stop the KAT-TUN boys from dancing and singing, even though they already inside the doodle’s tummy (lol, I can’t believe I can type those two words together). So absurd and CG-bonanza. But wait a minute, my child!! The WTFery isn’t over yet, for there will be…. A solo dancing session!!! Yeeehaaaawww!!! Each member gets a chance to impress, but their solos are so…wavy, so…spineless..lolololol. Is there more? Oh yes, there’s a freestyle session as well!!!! Wooohoooo!!!
I just dunno what else to say. I can’t believe a simple concept could be this…embarassing. *sigh*
Member’s appearance: I give them 5/10, as 5 points are for Nakamaru alone. Seriously, he’s the only member that looked good in here. There’s a black and white solo shoot session, and Nakamaru looks sooo….CF material. Hahahaha…toast for Nakamaru and his future modelling career!!! *raising glass* While the rest four members look like they’re just finished do a night patrol; boy, they’re all looked fricken exhausted. And Kame wear an extension shirt that looks a like a mini skirt over a jeggings; Koki looks pale and hangover and this time joined by Taguchi. And Ueda..oh Ueda…that fricken glitter…it’s not androgynous anymore OKAAAYYY?!!! It’s sissy-boy look!!! Geeezz, for pete’s sake…make it staaapphh!! *tearing hair*
Performance wise: In the performance they don’t dance much, and no crazy freestyle as well (thank God..) for they are singing live. And I must say that their live singing is not bad y’know, it’s more bearable than other Johnny’s that I watch like say, Kisumai. No pitchy pitch tone, and less screeching..lol. So it’s an A-OK.
06. White (2011)
Overall: FINALLY!!!! *Hallelujah Choir singing* A good PV!!! The color, the setting, the song, everything fits like a good PV should be, even Koki’s rapping is not annoying! Hooraaah!! So, The PV was set in a school where KAT-TUN boys are having a reunion and reminiscing their good’ol days. Buuuuuut…even though it’s good, there are a couple things that can’t be ignored: 1) Nakamaru and Koki (specially Nakamaru) are like 2 gheyboys on the hunt. Seriously, they’re checking on Kame and Taguchi like 2 dudes checking on a girl. Geez, if you want to mistakenly checking on a girl, why don’t you check on Ueda instead? Lol.
2) It’s a school, I know, but WHY it has to be full of American/European students/cheerleaders?? Seriously, KAT-TUN, are we Asians not good enough to be in your PV?? Huh? HUH?!!! Lol…
Member’s appearance: In an outline, the members look fine here, except Ueda, seriously, his look is like an itch that I can’t scratch; he’s a GUY, for pete’s sake, stop making him looks like a sissy-bucket!!!!! It’s fricken disturbiiiinnngggg!!!!! And Taguchi hair, oh that hair is sooooo Lady of Versailles; don’t you worry boy, Mama will chop it for you *taking a grass shears* Oh, and please put some make-up on Koki’s hangover eyes. Man, he looks so pale.
Performance wise: Overall, the dance is enjoyable, not cheesy, cos it suits the song well. And their wardrobe in every performance is also very cute and boybandy. But there’s one dance move in the chorus part that stuck in my head, that I called “the crab leg dance” in my mental note; that move is so memorable somehow, y’know it’s like “swoosh..swoosh..crab leg..swoosh” lol. It’s hard to explain, you gotta watch it yourself. Oh, and I noticed that most of the time, Kame always twisting his mic when the performance finished; I think that is one cool habit.
07. Run for You (2011)
Overall: Dude…lemme tell you sumthin’; never underestimate a statement that said “a hair could save someone’s appearance” because daaang good giddy old mcdonald, Kame looks so fricken good here. I dunno what possessed the stylist, but he/she makes Kame’s hair extra messy, extra fluffy, and extra…awesome.
This is the turning point where I’m starting to take Kame seriously, no gheyboy prejudice here. Even though the intro is like a cheap polyphonic ringtone, the engrish WTFery level is very high (Chorus: run run run run run lan lan lan lan lan lan for you..), and the choreography is more like a morning P.E. exercise routine; they are all forgiven for one and one reason only: Kame’s hair. I even watch the HD version of the making rawly–as raw as dead fish on a sushi—no subtitles at all, just to see some more of Kame and his magnificent hair. Gosh, me so bonkers, lol. Okay, so the concept of the video is all the KAT-TUN boys are locked up in some place like psych ward (or psych-fi ward?) for they’re being crazy due to over-exploited by Johnny’s; jk, jk, just kidding..lol. And so they locked up in different rooms and experiencing different absurd event. There. It’s only about that. Oh, and then there’s another scene where they do the corny choreography.
Member’s appearance: Seriously, this is the only good thing in this PV (except Ueda and his androgynous look, which is so…girly, it makes me as a real intact girl questioning myself why I look more manly compared to him). Everyone has nice wardrobe, and Kame’s hair saves the day.
Maybe if I can choose who the second best looks, it will be Koki; for the first time ever he doesn’t look like he hasn’t showered for days, lol.
Performance wise: So, I watch a lot of their performances of this song with high expectation, anticipation, and fan girl sensation to see more of Kame’s hair fluff, and the result is I am sooooo….disappointed. Because that magic hair is gone!!!! No more Kamerella, for he’s going back to a gheyboy pumpkin!!! Waaaaaa!!!! There’s even one performance where he’s tying his hair back.Ugh. Me don’t likey!!! Bring back the fluffy hair!! Me want the fluffy haiiiiirrrr!!! *throwing tantrum*
08. Lock On (2012)
Overall: This is a song about a guy who have to hold back his unrequited feeling towards a girl. Sounds great huh? I know, I know. How about the PV? It’ll be one helluva PV, right? Well…it SHOULDA been, WOULDA been, COULDA been an awesome PV for KAT-TUN level, if only….they hire real chic instead of this bonkers android in aquarium. Okay, first, let’s make a requirement roll check for a good PV: 1) Catchy rock-esque song: check; 2) Good delivered lyrics that tie in nicely with the song title: check –( I GOTTA LOCK ON, GIRL この胸に 君のことだけ溢れている –trans: I GOTTA LOCK ON, GIRL for you the only one that overflowing in my chest) oooooooohhh…that is quite a good line…— 3) The members-tachi looked dapper in black ensemble combine with manly choreography: check.; 4) PV concept:….*sigh and facepalming*. Okay, I know that Johnny luurves corny sci-fi thingy and isn’t allowing his monk talentos to have a romantic PV, but at least they can give us a glimpse of a beautiful creature made from real flesh a.k.a woman to walk around showing that she’s the reason KAT-TUN boys have to lock on their overflowing kokoro; But girl, it’s a hell to the no, instead we get this:And this…And THIS (??!!!)Seriously it makes KAT-TUN looks like they’re bunch of dudes with robot fetish thingy or something. Gee golly…
Member’s appearance: Kame has kawaii girl bangs, Taguchi’s hair looks like Terkina, Koki looks like he’s having a rough night for the XXX times. Nakamaru looks like the usual Nakamaru, and WIGITTY BANG! Ueda is a man now, for him to chop off his horrendous girl hair!! Time for celebration!! Not.
sorry, I can’t help it, somehow I feel a great urge to post it. Lololol…
Performance wise: Just alright. there’s a slight change in the choreography, and KAT-TUN is being KAT-TUN, y’know; unsynchronized. But hey, at least they still look dapper, and there’s no android chic in sight, so it’s aaaaalllll gooood.Okay, that’s it for now. But don’t you feel sad and cry, my child, for journey is still far from an end. You’ll see me again on the part two of KAT-TUN: The Musical for more music…and mocking. Agagagagaga…peace out! (^^)v